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  • Kathryn Patterson

Dear Sarah: How To Hide in Plain Sight

Dear Sarah,

First, I admit my mistake, mea culpa and all that jazz. I didn't listen to my Maker and read the handbook well before I became a vampire. And now my oversight is causing me problems.

I mean, I know most of the basic of vampiring, but I suck at hiding in plain sight. I mean, I know how to not flash my fangs or let my eyes turn red. But how do I explain to people that I don't go out in the daytime?


Needs To Read Better


Dear Needs,

First, I have never heard of anyone refer to being a vampire as 'vampiring' but I am using that term from now on. Thanks!

Second, flashing fangs? Really? Are you certain that you are a vampire? Most of us don't 'flash fangs' instinctually. It actually takes work to learn how to do that when we want to intimidate someone.

Third, if you are a vampire, then you need to come up with a good reason for your lifestyle. I'm assuming that no one knows you changed, and you want to keep it that way. Here are my suggestions (in no particular order):

  • Start 'working from home' and tell everyone that your work day starts late and ends late.

  • Pretend to get COVID, then pretend it developed into long COVID. You can't meet people in the daytime because you're too tired. Start to develop a night time oriented routine, and by the time you're 'cured' everyone expect you to only be available at night.

  • Move to a new city and tell people you have xeroderma pigmentosum. This is a genetic disorder that means your body has a severely decreased ability to heal ultraviolet radiation damage to your skin. In effect, you are 'allergic' to sunshine. If you want to sell this story, you need to research the condition. I suggest you start here .

Good luck.

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